new school.

hi friends!

aiden and lilly started their new school and new schedule this week. it's been an adjustment, but overall, i think it's going well!

walking into their first day together! 

first of all, i've been so happy with their new school. it just feels like a much better fit compared to the previous school. we get an email each day with a little report about what they did that day and they will include photos and videos of some of the activities. there's also an app that keeps track of all these daily reports and photos. so just that amount of feedback has been a wonderful change. i never knew what aiden learned or what he was doing at school... there wasn't a newsletter or any real communication, which always felt frustrating for me. i don't like feeling out of the loop, but at the same time, i don't want to feel like a crazy parent for wanting to know what's going on at school. his old teachers never voluntarily talked to me. i mean... they didn't even smile or say hi if we passed in the hallway! they didn't make eye contact when i came to pick him up, let alone say something simple like "aiden had a great day!"... it was all very frustrating. it was a struggle to be able to talk to them about anything. so. anyway. the new school is so refreshing in that regard. both aiden and lilly's teachers are very nice and friendly. they don't make it seem like a hassle if i want to talk to them or ask questions. they are just helpful, and i'm so thankful for that. and as a fun bonus, one of lilly's teachers used to be a performer at disneyland! haha!

friday was the first time james has been able to come to the new school because he had the day off work. he commented on how clean everything is, and how it seems like they have a really nice setup with activities and toys in each room. he's so right. it just feels how you would want a school to feel. the rooms are big and bright and full of fun and educational decorations. there are murals on the walls and big windows into each classroom from the hall, so you can see what's happening before you walk inside the room. plus... they sanitize the toys in these big machines! haha. since i'm a germaphobe, i just really appreciate how clean everything is kept.

it has been a really big adjustment for the schedule though. they started going four full days a week instead of two half days. sooner or later, i'm going to start working, at which point they will need to go for full days. i debated and talked to several people and the consensus was that it would be better to get them used to the schedule from the start as long as they were doing ok with it. aiden has been doing well since the first day. he went right in and started playing and barely said bye to me. haha! the only major change for him is that he won't take a nap at school. he's been slowly phasing naps out at home too, so it's not really a big deal. it does mean he's pretty tired through the evening and dinner, but it usually makes bedtime easier! on his second day, he actually got upset with me for picking him up too early because his class was getting ready to go outside to play. haha!

lilly is having a harder time. she gets sad each morning when it's time to be dropped off, and her teachers have mentioned that she asks for me throughout the day, especially around nap time. it's probably a huge adjustment for her to get used to sleeping without me around. but i also feel like she's enjoying the activities too. when i drop her off, she clings to me, yet seems curious and interested in what is going on with her classmates. and each day, her teacher has found something to tempt her out of my arms... like looking for the bunnies outside or picking a song to play. i hear her singing little songs each day when she gets home about the days of the week or animals, etc. and it's just so cute. her naps have been getting longer each day too, so i think she's already starting to adjust to the routine.

it's been very much a bittersweet change for me too. i really do need kid-free time to study for my board exams, but also i had been feeling so overwhelmed for the past several months. i had no patience left, i wasn't the fun mom that i wanted to be. i was just constantly drained and trying to survive each day. the tiniest things would make me upset. that's not how i wanted to feel. it wasn't good for anyone. but i definitely cried when i got home on their first day because i just felt like a complete failure of a mom. career stuff aside... i have always wanted to be a mom. so why couldn't i just be the fun, creative, magical mom that i dreamed i would be? why do i need time away from my kids for my sanity? well. it doesn't matter why. it's just the way it is for me. the reality of motherhood is that it's not just fun and easy and magical. it's hard. it's draining. it's overwhelming. but this week has been transformational for me. i'm a better mom when we all get home in the afternoon. i have energy to do fun things with the kids. i have my patience back. i am more kind and gentle. if something goes wrong, i can take a deep breath and handle it with much more grace than before. james and i went to get coffee after dropping off this kids friday morning, and he mentioned that he's noticed a change in me too. basically. i'm not losing my mind and completely freaking out by the time he gets home each day. haha!

i really hope that the kids will thrive in this new environment. it wasn't happening for aiden at his old school, and i feel like i'm already seeing changes in him that make me feel so happy. it's still early, and everyone is still adjusting, but i'm feeling so optimistic about our new routine. i feel like when the day comes for me to start working, it will all be ok. the kids will be fine. and i will be fine. <3