what better topic for a first blog post than a birth story? plus, i decided that i need to write it down before the details leave my brain. :]
each week and my ob checkups, i would hear things like "you're still pregnant?" and "you probably won't be here next week." but my due date came and went, and i was scheduled for an induction on the 14th, with a final weekly checkup on the 12th. i remember waking up on the 12th not feeling well, but since i was so sick during my pregnancy & felt nauseous pretty much everyday, it was hard to really differentiate the crappy feelings.
james, my mom, and i were getting ready to leave the house for my checkup, and i started having really intense back pains... so intense that i would have to stop and lean on the wall. we had planned to stop for a bite to eat before my appointment, and during the drive (~30 minutes), the pains started getting more intense and lasting longer. at this point, we decided maybe james should try to keep track of the timing. i stayed outside while my mom and james ordered lunch at panera. i couldn't eat much and mostly just stood up swaying back & fourth (a la the mcmoyler method, which was the only birth preparation james and i had done).
one week before my due date/two weeks before delivery.
while i was checking in to my appointment, i started having what i was now suspecting to be a contraction. [throughout my pregnancy, i tried asking people what a contraction felt like... no one could tell me! i would usually just hear things like "oh you'll know..." intense back pains were not what i was expecting, but the pain started radiating all the way around to my belly eventually.] the receptionist asked if i was ok, and i said "i think i'm having a contraction", to which she responded "oh. let's get you back to a room." nothing like going into labor to reduce your wait time. :] the doctor quickly came in & checked me and said, "ok. you're 4cm... go to the hospital."
this was not what i was expecting. we had put our bags in the car, and i was starting to be in a considerable amount of pain, but everything i read and heard had led me to believe that i would sort of sit around at home for a few hours until my contractions were coming "every 5 minutes for at least an hour". i had planned to be able to take a shower, straighten my hair, etc. i think my mom and james may have been a little shocked as well. we all knew it was coming, but now it was really happening.
i don't remember a whole lot about how things progressed, but i know it happened very fast. my next memories are standing in the hospital room holding on to james, rocking back and fourth, and sobbing uncontrollably from the pain. the nurse (i loved her!) asked me what my plan for pain was, and i said i didn't know. i tried to prepare myself to have an epidural leading up to this day, but i was still apprehensive about the huge needle. she calmly said "well. i think you're going to need to do something..."
it wasn't long before i asked for the epidural. i have clear memories of that part... trying to be completely still while having contractions. and then having my leg feel as if water was pouring down it and having to go through the placement again. but as soon as it kicked in, i was able to stop sobbing uncontrollably, relax, and rest until it was time to push.
after the epidural, obviously.
soon enough, the nurse checked me and said it was time to work on pushing. i pushed for about an hour and a half. i had a very unusual contraction pattern where they would come on top of each other and then break. eventually, aiden wasn't progressing down anymore and was starting to decel because there wasn't enough space between contractions for him to recover. i trusted my ob's recommendation to try the ventouse, which worked... almost too well because he delivered with his little fist by his cheek. :| that set me up for an extra hour of repair work & 20+ stitches... not to mention a miserable first two weeks of motherhood. but like every mom says, it was all worth it. right after they put him on my chest i told my mom that he was worth 17 weeks of living on the bathroom floor. :]
Aiden James | 3/12/13 | 9:29pm | 7lb 9oz | 20in
james cut the cord, and then also trimmed it a second time... i'm unclear about why. i'm pretty sure i didn't know this was taking place. hehe.
i honestly can't believe what an experience it is to give birth. it's very empowering. i didn't really know how far things had or hadn't progressed, and i remember telling james afterwards that i wish someone would have told me "one more push" like they do in all of the movies. haha. i was so exhausted at the end. the nurses, james, & the ob were all yelling "push", and at one point, i actually yelled back "i can't!" :]
the nurse & nursing student that i had on the first day were pretty good. nice, attentive & relatively helpful. the second day was the exact opposite. i hated my nurse. she was actually sick to the point that she had lost her voice. i was beyond angry that she was so irresponsible to be working around newborns when she was clearly sick. thankfully, she was also extremely inattentive, so i didn't have to see her much. this caused a few problems like having to beg repeatedly for someone to dispense some measly tylenol and ibuprofen to me, but i was glad i didn't see her very often. when i found out my doctor wanted me to stay an extra night because i wasn't in very good shape, i was so upset. i couldn't handle the thought of another night in that place. luckily, they allowed me to go home because i honestly think i would have gone insane if i had to stay there.
after lots of delays due to the terrible nurse, i finally got ready to leave. putting on clothes for the first time was like magic. i seriously think i turned a corner as soon as i put on pants. :] like i mentioned, the first two weeks were pretty much miserable though. i couldn't sit. i could barely get around. i couldn't get into my bed, so i stayed in the living room on the couch. i was trying to figure out the whole breastfeeding thing, which was complicated by not being able to sit upright or move very well. i cried. all the time. for no reason and for lots of reasons.
everything changes and everything is new. sometimes it's hard. sometimes it's confusing. sometimes it's scary. but it's ok.
we figured out how to get him to latch. i figured out how to pump, so that i wouldn't end up rock solid and so full that he couldn't latch. we learned how to change diapers. lots of diapers. james got really good at swaddling him. my mom drove us to appointments and took care of me while james studied and had block exams. i relaxed a bit about things i thought should or shouldn't happen. like using a paci.
i've grown used to not sleeping for more than 2 or 3 hours [still] because i have a hungry little man. he was back up to birthweight before he was a week old, which is apparently pretty fast. yay milk!
eventually things got easier. and the pain got better.
priorities change, and things you used to think were so important become very unimportant. you have a whole new focus. there's so much to experience and observe and learn. it's amazing.
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